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Thursday, March 8th, 2007
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6:03 pm
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| Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
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11:39 pm
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| Monday, January 29th, 2007
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1:03 pm
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Well let's see...what has Eric been up to?
Ashlei wanted to go somewhere new and random for the allstar break, so we took off to London. England, not Ontario.
I have to say, it was pretty damn cool. Drank lots of beer, stuffed my face with "fish and chips" (they're fucking french fries, damnit), even got dressed up and took the wife out for some fancy schmancy theatre. Okay I lie. I'm not a theatre person, and neither is Ash, but we agreed that it might be cool to take in a show. Mind you this never once crossed our minds in NEW YORK, but hell, it's London. Now, as tempting as going to see Don Johnson in Guys and Dolls was. Or you know, Dirty Dancing or The Lord of the Rings The Musical....Yeah, no. I agreed that if we were going to go to the theatre, we should go see something we'd both like. I'd heard good things about that Avenue Q show, and damn am I glad we went. That right there was some funny shit, I highly reccomend that.
So yeah, aside from doing that, we took in some local cuisine. (Including the fact that Ash actually got me to sit my ass down for an authentic "afternoon tea". Blah!) and also took in a lot of museums. And what would a vacation with my beautiful wife be without a little lot of shopping? ;)
All in all, it was a good time. I needed a nice break like that. But i've really got to say...life is fucking good.
current mood:  content
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| Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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4:40 pm
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| Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
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12:09 pm
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Dear Friends List,
You suck.
Much Love,
E.
Seriously! Where the hell are the updates. For 3 days I have checked this and all I see is that son of a bitch, St Louis my best friend ever's lovely face. C'mon People!
Speaking of Marty...apparently I am being blamed for his son's recent expanded vocabulary. That's fine, really. Because I blame him for all the feminie, girly traits my daughter has picked up over the years.
New Years was absofuckingloutely amazing. I ran off with the wife for a couple days so she could test out her Christmas present. And really? Hot wife, hot car, great food, little alcohol, a lot of sex? Fucking perfect, bitches.
Now we get to settle down and start looking into getting an actual house. And furnishing said house. And possibly a visit from my little angel.
Life. Is. Good.
ps. someone make me some icons, i'm fuckin' lazy
current mood: content
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| Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
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10:42 am
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Where the hell has the year gone? I mean seriously? How is it what? Four days? Five? Until Christmas? Why am I asking all of these questions? I do not know!
I think Christmas is about as good as it is going to get right now. That being said, it's looking to be downright amazing. The only thing missing is my Alyssa, but what can you do? That bitch Karen is right. I have had her for two years in a row and it is only fair that Satan the ex have her this year.
That does, however, mean that it will be a nice, peaceful, quiet holiday with the wife and the dogs. And while there is no snow outside or reason to bundle up....HELL WE ALWAYS HAVE THE BEACH!!!
It has been a long year, a long road, and finally we find ourselves settling at the end again. Hopefully, it is not a journey we will have to take ever again. Fate has a way of making all things worth happening, happen. And this year, it brought me the best Christmas present of all.
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| Monday, December 18th, 2006
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12:10 pm
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10:50 am
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| Thursday, November 30th, 2006
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12:46 pm
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Sometimes you wake up, you try and tell yourself that "Today will be a good day." That usually will last all of 20 minutes before some random little reminder comes up. Something small and insignificant to most, something another person would see and think nothing of. But to you, it strikes just the right chord. My day will usually go downhill from there.
Hockey has always been a big part of my life. But now, now I live for my time on the ice. With nothing else to strive for or focus on, hockey has become my entire life. It makes sense, it is on the ice where I am in my element, my zone. For a brief period, the world around me shuts down, and I am at peace. Even with the chaos around me, teammates yelling, people flying by, the puck hitting my stick, all is quiet. Everything around me disappears and it all makes sense. For awhile, all of the bad is gone, I have no worries or pain. I have one goal and one goal alone. And if only for a moment, everything is okay.
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| Monday, November 27th, 2006
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11:50 am - I deserve an oscar...
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| Saturday, November 11th, 2006
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8:28 pm
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Note Attached:
Ashlei,
I'm sorry if all I am doing is coming across as an asshole. No, it is not going to be easy for me to be friendly with you. Will it ever happen? Does time really heal all wounds? I do not know. Right now, it feels like it will not. I do not think I could put across how hard it is for me to deal, to live with the decisions you have made. There are things I simply cannot push out of my mind and pretend that they are not there.
You upset me, you anger me, you make me want to yell and throw things and drink myself into a stupor. I could sit there and call you nasty names and talk about how much I hate you. And I will be honest with you, I probablly will.
But know, deep down, no matter what an ass I am, no matter how shitty I behave...I do love you, Ashlei. I always have and always will. I am just trying to learn to deal with the fact that all I have now are the memories we created and shared. The thought of you standing in the locker room the first day we met. Skating with you on the ice at the university. Sharing pizza with you or our first kiss that day before class. Taking you to brunch that morning in Montreal. The way you smiled at my front door, twirling in the dress you swore you had lying around. Surprising you with a picnic at the Giant center, unpacking things into our first home together. Remembering taking you and Lyss trick or treating at Hershey Park or the first day you brought Gussy home. The day we exchanged vows. How nervous I was, how breathtaking you looked in that gown....
No matter what happens between us, Ange, no matter what I say...I will always remember these things, always treasure them. And I will always, always love you.
-E
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| Thursday, November 9th, 2006
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2:57 pm
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| Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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11:54 pm
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| Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
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12:05 pm
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This is actually the second journal i've had. The first was used throughout the majority of Ashlei and my relationship. Today, I went back and read. I had originally gone in to find a specific thread of comments, that I never was able to find. Instead I was drawn in by post after post, reminding me of all we'd gone through. The good, and the bad.
Sometimes I really do want to hate her. They were right, everyone was right. Perhaps I should have just listened to everyone from the start. Taken that advice that back then would make both of us so angry and annoyed. Because back then, really, I kept thinking about how much love their was, how much she cared. Ash would never fuck me over, not like that. Then I came across the Kari post. The night I had found out she lied to me and was staying with him. I still wonder how much of that was truth and what else she may have lied about. I just...ugh. I wonder if maybe I just should have ended things when the Johan incident occured. I guess that was a glimpse of what would ultimately be my future.
I was looking for the thread where JR suggested a prenup. Something that thoroughly upset Ashlei. One one hand, she felt like JR was accusing her of being a gold digger, but come on, we all know there's no gold to dig. She was also upset that someone was predicting our divorce. I guess the fact that people were suggesting from the get go that our marriage would fail, upset her. Ha. Ha ha. That's ironic, isn't it?
I guess it comes down to..."was the good worth all the bad?" Sometimes, I think yes. We had a lot of good memories, she and I. But the heartbreak i've gone through over the last year...I don't know if it is worth it. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I also think that is somewhat bullshit. Because when you have that love, and then it is taken away, it is just...unbearable to think about your other half just giving that love away to someone else.
Things were said last week that make me beyond angry. She says I am her soulmate that I am her other half. She flat out told me that choosing between hurting Dom or hurting me...well, i'd already been hurt. So I guess it is easier for her to go on hurting me than to have to hurt Dominic at all. After all of that was said, it's becoming much easier to focus more on being angry than on being hurt and sad. It's easier to be upset with her. Mad. Spiteful.
I was never anything but honest and loving with her. I did everything in my power to be a good husband. Then I find out that there was so much lying and being deceitful. I just...Maybe it was for the best. Maybe she is just not worth it.
current mood:  thoughtful
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| Thursday, October 19th, 2006
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11:45 pm
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| Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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11:45 am
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There comes a time in your life where you just need to cut your losses and move on. When you realize that is what is going to be in the best interests for everyone. You don't want to hurt anyone, you don't want to let go, but holding on and trying to make something from nothing....is just kiling everyone. So you have to let go and hope for the best.
I had a rough night, and instinct had me reaching for a bottle. After a moment though, I put down the bottle and picked up the phone.
Karen agreed to bring Lyss down and stay for a few days, so that they can fly up to Boston for the game and then come back down here for Opening Night. That way, I can get as much time in with my little princess as possible before the insanity of game after game kicks in.
I picked the girls up early this morning and took them to watch practice. A couple months ago Karen found this little Princess DVD player we ended up getting for her, since my little Angel's been sentanced to quite a bit of traveling. She was watching one of her movies in the backseat when I heard this song playing. Funny as it seems, it struck something in me.
"Lyssy, baby, what are you listening to?" "Muppets, Daddy!"
It's funny, but after all these years, you can still learn a thing or two from Kermit.
( Saying goodbye... )
current mood:  melancholy
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| Saturday, September 30th, 2006
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4:20 pm
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John pulled me aside Thursday before the game to break the news to me. He started on about how hard I had worked during camp, about how he could see how much I had put into my game...
I was waiting for the but. I stood there quite certain that I was standing there in that jersey for the last time for quite awhile. I was so sure that he was informing me that I had worked hard...But, I should start packing and getting ready for Springfield.
The "but" never came. He told me I had worked hard enough to earn my spot on the team, that I had put enough into it to keep on wearing that jersey, the jersey that I helped win a Stanley Cup in. A little over a year ago, I thought it was over. That i'd blown my chance, and thanks to the "new" NHL, I would never find my place in the league again. But just when things were at their worst this summer, I got the call from my agent. Tampa wanted me back. They wanted to give me another chance. I came here knowing the only thing I could do, was my best. The only thing I could do was give it my all. I had nothing to lose and nothing to focus on BUT this team and this game. I guess that all paid off. I don't care if i'm on the 4th line or the 1st. I'm playing. I'm back.
current mood: accomplished
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| Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
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12:16 pm
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| Monday, September 18th, 2006
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1:34 pm - Things that make you go "hmmm"...
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Sometimes I just have to take a step back, scratch my head, and ask "What the fuck?". The past couple days would classify under that, I think. It is like I am this little Eric action figure, complete with built in chain to jerk around, sometimes you just throw him in the toy box and forget that he is there, sometimes you feel the urge to pull him out, because you just can't resist tugging on that chain...and no, this is not some dirty innuendo...I do not know, I am just...meh.
I do know that camp is going alright. It is good to be back out on the ice again, to have that chance again. All I know is I am going to continue busting my ass. I really do not want to end up in Springfield.
current mood:  bah
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| Tuesday, August 15th, 2006
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3:58 pm
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When one finds themselves in a familiar setting, it is very tempting to fall back into old habits.
Most of my time has been spent to myself. Thinking, adjusting... accepting, I guess.
It is funny. At one point, I had it all. I had the love of my life, my career was at it's peak. I had a wonderful family. Then, slowly, bit by bit...it started to drift away. For a moment, I thought I would have another chance. The things we talked about, the family we planned. Everything coming back together. Then, even more quickly than the first time. Gone. All of it.
So now here I am, alone in Tampa, getting ready to fight for my spot in the NHL. Of course, with my luck, I will be back in the A. In beautiful Springfield. Feel free to note the sarcasm in that.
It is hard to watch your hopes, dreams, and life plans be taken away so quickly. It is even more difficult to start over with new ones. Start making new memories, a new life, new friends, new....well, everything. Even the team is not the one that I left behind before the lockout. That is, however, part of the game. I guess a fresh start will be a good thing. All I can do is try my hardest to stay here.
That is all I can do. Work hard, concentrate on my game, and try to forget the past.
current mood:  blank
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ericperrin's journal
i'm such an asshole...
